The National Dirt Corporation — TNDC
This is a success story.
“It’s 2016 and we have great news for our investors as the last quarter has seen tremendous gains. Profit is up 62% with 200 billion dollars worth of sales worldwide. Projections are that we’ll only continue this rapid growth with a forecast of 1 trillion in gross sales by year end…”
My name is Bill Dithers. A little over 3 years ago, I discovered a technique for turning dirt into food. I should explain. Dirt is everywhere and makes up the 1/3 of the planet that isn’t covered in water. It’s importance to life on this planet can’t be understated as without it, we wouldn’t have oxygen or food provided by everything that grows, in dirt. But dirt as a food staple — wouldn’t seem like such a great idea — at first.
That was until I invented a process for making dirt taste like anything you could imagine. Ice cream? Steak? Cheese? Chocolate? You name it, I can make dirt taste as good, if not better than the original. Sure, there were some minor hurdles to get around as far as making the product look palatable and more importantly, have nutritional value.
The nutritional aspect was a fairly straight forward problem to solve in the beginning and we purchased the various additives needed to meet the guidelines — those set out by the government agencies that dictate what levels were required to have our product labeled as health food.
Making it palatable in both taste and looks was the big hurdle but with 100 million in the bank from an insanely successful crowdfunding campaign - we were able to contract one of the biggest and most advanced science kitchens in the world to start cooking up batches using my invention.
The rest you know, is history. We currently have 3251 products and counting, selling in 47 countries around the world and we’re working on hundreds more using dirt from regions where it is plentiful and easy to extract from the ground.
We’re not replacing crops or livestock yet but we are definitely having an impact on those industries which many environmentalists are applauding us for. We’re estimating livestock farms will be obsolete in the next 20 years because of our food alternative. I’m proud of this fact and can’t express in words the gratitude I have to those of you who supported me in the beginning and continue to do so in these new and very trying times.
There’s no point of me getting into all the details. You’ve already heard everything in the news and how various interest groups have started a witch hunt to discredit my work, attempting to draw correlations between a rise in cancer and our products. I’m here to tell you they’re all completely unfounded.
In the past 16 months, we’ve spent a significant amount of money on some of the top universities and biotech labs in the world to prove that our products are not only safe but that they’re safer than most of the vegetables, fruit and meat currently available for consumption. Not to mention the exhaustive work our lobbyists have done to get governments on board with the program. It’s disheartening that a few knee jerk terrorists are threatening one of the greatest gifts humanity has ever been given and in turn, trying to rob you of your right to eat nutritious and life saving — dirt.
I need your help. The war isn’t over, not by a long shot. We’re doing what we can, driving our enemies from the first few pages on the search engines, filling up social media with the truth about our products and carefully orchestrating a campaign to humiliate the anti-dirt terrorists. The money we’re investing into this isn’t enough: we need you to help get the message out. Tell people the truth about our products and demonstrate to those who don’t know how dirt can benefit them. With YOUR help, we can eliminate hunger world wide with the most sustainable food on the planet.
Dirt is your friend. I am your friend. Together, let’s make this world a better place to live.
